To Learn To Be Brave
by MayFairy
Summary: "Can't you see, April? You're her legacy. You're good and strong and kind and you could do anything you put that brilliant mind of yours to." The life, death, and legacy of Clara Oswald, as seen through the eyes of April MacLean. Because the world is determined to beat good people down, but some learn to fight back, and teach others. [covers Clara's first day to 'The Lost']
1. Life

**Inspired by a gifset paralleling Clara's "let me be brave" and April's "let me know I was brave". And HollowShadowWolf's pointing out that April goes to the list of the dead and it is entirely plausible that she was there to gain strength from Clara's name there.**

 **Because there's no way these two wonderful ladies didn't have an impact on each other.**

* * *

1/3 - Life

April Maclean likes Clara Oswald from the moment she steps into the classroom on her first day.

While other students take pleasure in causing trouble and making the new teacher panic, April tries to tell them to shut up. Of course, no one ever listens to April, so the fourteen year old slumps back in her chair and just hopes for the best because it's all she can do.

"If you don't stop it, I'm going to have each and every one of you kicked out of this school!" The teacher says, almost in tears.

April winces, feeling sorry for her. Classic newbie wrong move. Sure enough, Courtney Woods challenges her, and the realisation of the mistake flashes across Miss Oswald's face.

When the debacle of a class finally finishes, there are worksheets all over the floor along with a good half a dozen paper planes. Miss Oswald has her lips pressed inward, like she's barely holding it together.

April stays behind as the other students leave.

"Try not to let them get to you," she says to Miss Oswald before bending down to start picking up all the worksheets, "They're always awful to new teachers but they'll get over it. You just have to show them who's boss."

Miss Oswald blinks at her. "Who's boss? Oh. Me. That would be...me."

April laughs. "You really are new to this, aren't you?"

"I'm used to just dealing with... _two_ children," Miss Oswald admits sheepishly, "This is a bit of a step up. Recently I've been pretty good with getting out of my comfort zone, but this? Give me monsters over teenagers any day."

"Teach a lot of monsters English, do you?" April asks with a grin.

Miss Oswald blushes. "Nevermind." She moves to help April grab the last of the paper and then reaches out to take April's pile. "What was your name?"

"April, April Maclean," April says, smiling.

Miss Oswald's huge brown eyes are warm and grateful. "Well, thank you, April Maclean. It means a lot."

April smiles, feeling validated as well as glad that she could help. She makes to leave but ends up pausing in the doorway.

"You know, I've been thinking recently that nice doesn't mean soft," she says to Miss Oswald, "You can be firm without being mean. I don't know, it's not working out super great for me yet, but I'm trying."

Oswald looks at her like she's a revelation. "Actually, yeah. My - my best friend does that, all the time. Hell, _I_ do that. I'd just never thought about it outside of...all that. Thank you, April."

April doesn't understand exactly what she was talking about in the middle, but _her_ understanding isn't what's important. "You're welcome! Have a nice day, Miss."

The next day, Miss Oswald has a new determination in her eye, a confidence in herself that wasn't there before. It's like the class can sense it before she even speaks, and the small number that still attempt to act out find themselves shut down very quickly by polite but firm interventions on Oswald's part.

April can barely keep the grin off her face.

Oh yes, she likes Miss Oswald a lot.

* * *

It isn't long before April realises that Clara Oswald is, for lack of a better word, _awesome_. She pulls up to school on her motorbike and saunters into class with the kind of ease that makes April envious and it helps her realise that this was always the real Clara Oswald. She'd just been having a rough first day.

Which is why, when April doubles back after class one day to ask her a question about an assignment only to find Oswald blushing and giggling while flirting with a tall man in a waistcoat, she is bemused.

"I told you, I can't," Oswald is saying, "I have classes to teach!"

"But _Clara_ ," he says, practically whining, "I can have you back in time, it'll be like you aren't even gone-"

"I don't trust your driving, Doctor."

"But we could go to-" He cuts off, noticing April in the doorway. "Oh, er, hello! I was just popping in to say hello to my good friend Clara, but it seems like you wanted to ask her something?"

"Um yeah," April says uncertainly, "But I can...come back?"

"No, no, he was just leaving," Clara says, pushing her gangly friend in the direction of the doorway, "I'll see you later, Doctor, usual time and place. And do _not_ try this again, or we're going to have problems."

"Fine," he sighs, like a petulant child. He walks off down the corridor and leaves April staring at Clara questioningly.

"Sorry about that," Clara says, making a face, "My best friend is an idiot who doesn't understand that I _have a job_."

April finds herself giggling. "It's okay. He seems nice."

Clara sighs. It's almost...wistful. "Yeah. But anyway, what did you want to ask me?"

It's not the last time that April spies the man in the bowtie hanging around Coal Hill, and she is fairly sure that he's more of a boyfriend then a best friend from the amount of flirting she witnesses between them. But to be fair she's never seen them kiss or even hold hands, so who knows?

She knows it isn't any of her business, but she has to live vicariously through other people since she doesn't actually - you know. Have any friends of her own.

* * *

After Christmas, something is different.

"How were your holidays, Miss Oswald?" April asks her after class.

Oswald just gives her a sad smile. "They were...tricky. But I also have a lot to be grateful for, I think. It could have been so much - no. I don't - I don't know." A shudder goes through her body and to April's alarm, tears spring to her eyes. "Oh god. I'm sorry."

"Oh no, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-"

"It's not your fault," Oswald insists, shaking her head and wiping at her eyes, "I'll...I'll be okay. Sometimes things just happen, you know?"

April does. She nods and reaches out to put her hand on Oswald's shoulder. "Well, I hope you feel better soon."

"Me too. I hope _your_ Christmas was nice, though?"

"Yeah, it was. Thanks."

A few weeks later, the old Clara Oswald is back and better than ever. A new maths teacher, the utterly gorgeous Mr Danny Pink, starts and almost immediately it seems that he and Miss Oswald have a Thing. Which is strange to April at first, since she was sure that Oswald has a boyfriend, but then it hits her.

Her boyfriend broke up with her over Christmas. That's why she's been so sad.

Well, Mr Pink is much better looking that the weird bloke with no eyebrows anyway - even if he had pulled off a waistcoat and bowtie much better than was remotely logical. Plus, Mr Pink is so incredibly sweet. She can't think of anyone who could be more deserving of Miss Oswald.

April likes them both immensely as two separate people but even more as it becomes more and more obvious that they're dating - they seem to think the students don't know, which is hilarious. Of course, Courtney Woods is intent on writing a bunch of Oswink related graffiti around the school, but April tries to clean off any that she sees.

Except, on Oswald's end, things start getting a bit...weird. She'll turn up to class with a tan that doesn't look fake but wasn't there the day before. Or be wearing a different outfit in the afternoon to whatever she was wearing in the morning. Or have weird bruises on her that seem to have appeared and starting fading within the span of a day.

She always seems to be in a rush, like she's always coming or going and English class is just a pit stop.

April is so curious that it's driving her mad, but she has no right to know about Oswald's personal life. So she has to stay content with not knowing and focusing on the adorable little moments she observes between Oswald and Pink.

She wonders if students would be allowed to attend the wedding if they got married. Would that be weird?

One day she hears from a student in another class that the new caretaker had turned up at Oswald's classroom window and Oswald had, in Ashley Grayson's words, 'completely lost it, started talking crazy about Jane Austen and aliens, she's a weirdo, honestly'.

April never sees this caretaker, but it's not the first bizarre incident involving him that reaches her ears. Plus Courtney Woods starts acting even more erratically than usual and April decides she just has to come to the conclusion that her school is utterly mad.

Which is fine. Anything else would probably be boring.

* * *

Danny Pink dies on a Thursday.

"By now, I'm sure you've heard the rumours, and it is with great sadness that I must confirm them to be true," Mr Armitage tells the students at a special assembly on Monday, "I have gathered you all here today to say that Mister Pink - that Danny Pink has sadly passed away."

April finds herself in tears in moments. When the rumours started she hadn't wanted to believe them, but then Miss Oswald hadn't been at school on Friday -

"I'm sure you'll all join me in wishing his family and friends our sincerest condolences," Armitage continues, "Mister Pink was an inspiration to all of those who knew him. A soldier, a teacher, a friend. It was no secret that he had a close relationship with Miss Oswald, and our thoughts and prayers are with her too."

April thinks about Miss Oswald, probably sitting at home, trying to process it all. She's glad she isn't the only one in the auditorium crying because it doesn't feel like it's going to stop any time soon.

A lot of weird stuff happens over the next few days, metal men in the sky and in the graveyards, and April has to come to the conclusion that she doesn't know what to think about anything any more.

* * *

The new maths teacher, Miss Jacobs, is prone to dropping things and seems a little uncertain about how to act given what happened to the old maths teacher. But she's rather sweet and she's good at teaching, so that's the main thing.

When Miss Oswald comes back, the students for once are on their best behaviour, at least for a while.

April buys her a box of chocolates but can't think of what to write in a note. In the end she just hands the box over and says "I'm really sorry" as genuinely as she can. Clara smiles at her, tightly, and April can see that her intention has come across the way she wanted, which is the best she can hope for.

Things slowly get better in the months after that. Well, sort of. Miss Oswald seems less sad, which is nice, but the happier she seems to get, the more erratic she seems as well.

The day that the planes stop, apparently Miss Oswald got a call at the school office and just...left in the middle of class?

Things like that keep happening as the year goes on. She starts turning up late to class, or getting a call or a text and leaving before the lesson is done. A few people swear that they've seen her running around with the old caretaker, but that doesn't make _any_ sense so April disregards it entirely. Besides, someone else said that they were sure they had seen her with a bunch of soldiers at one point, and that's equally ridiculous. These students will come up with _anything_.

* * *

One day, April is on her way to biology when she hears heated voices coming from Miss Oswald's classroom and feels her curiosity drawing her closer to listen. She knows she shouldn't but she stands by the door, out of sight but perfectly within earshot.

"It's not your place to tell me how to do my job, Kalei," Oswald is saying, sounding defensive, "I care about these kids just as much as you do-"

"I'll believe that when I see it," comes the voice of Miss Jacobs, and April finds herself concerned about her two favourite teachers arguing. It makes sense that Oswald might have an issue with Jacobs on principle, since she replaced her dead boyfriend, but she's never seen any animosity between them before, and surely she would have noticed by now?

"My reasons for having to sometimes leave here in a hurry are good ones, Armitage understands that, I've explained it to him," Oswald says.

"I'm sure they probably are. But you shouldn't have to explain it. You're a teacher. And you can't teach if you're not _here_ , or if your mind is off god knows where instead of being focused on your students, who very clearly _aren't_ your priority any more."

The click of heels on the floor warns April to make herself scarce just in time, and she watches Miss Jacobs stride out of the classroom from a hiding place around the corner.

April doesn't know what to think. She has always thought that she'd defend Miss Oswald until her last breath, but Miss Jacobs had some good points. Slowly, April creeps back to the classroom door and finds Oswald sitting on the edge of her desk, staring straight ahead at nothing in particular, her jaw tense.

"Miss? Are you alright? I'm sorry, I know it's not any of my business, but I-"

"You heard." It's not a question.

"Yeah. Sorry."

"She's right," Oswald says, her shoulders slumping, "I'm barely...here." When she looks up again, her eyes are earnest. "But the other things I do, April, they're important. They really are, I wouldn't keep _doing_ this if it wasn't."

"I believe you," April says, "You don't have to justify yourself to me because of what Miss Jacobs was saying."

Oswald doesn't say anything straight away. "Do you ever...get a feeling? Like, something's coming? Something's going to happen and there's nothing you can do?"

"I...don't know. Sorry."

Oswald shrugs, her frown melting away. "Ah well. It'll be fine. It always is." She laughs. "It'd take something pretty spectacular to faze me at this point, and I've seen a _lot_ of spectacular things."

"I think you can probably handle anything," April says, and Oswald smiles at her.

"You and me both, I think. Nice isn't soft, right? Hell, even Jacobs is a decent example of that, there's more of us than people tend to think." April nods and Oswald stares at her for a moment. "Can you promise me something, April?"

April shifts uncertainly. "I don't know. Promise you what?"

Miss Oswald is more serious than April can remember seeing her since - well, since Mr Pink died. "Promise me that you won't let anyone change you. The world doesn't have enough people like you - people that are genuinely good and kind. Others - this world - will try to tear you down, or change you, but you have to be brave enough to fight back."

April bites her lip. "I'm - I'm not - Miss Oswald, I'm not sure that I _am_ brave. I'm scared of so many things-"

"Good, you can't be brave if you aren't scared," Oswald retorts, making April blink, "My friend, he says that fear is a superpower. It's what makes you stronger and faster, what makes you fight harder than you ever would have otherwise. Bravery is being scared and doing it anyway."

"Oh," April breathes, and wonders if her entire life view hasn't just shifted at least a few inches in the space of ten seconds.

Oswald's phone beeps, and she checks it and sighs before locking the screen again. "Not today," she mutters, "Today I am _doing my job_." She stands up straight and steels herself. "I'll catch you in last period, yeah?"

"Yeah," April says, and goes to leave but lingers in the doorway the same way she had when they had first met about two years before, "Miss Oswald?"

"Mm?"

"Thank you. For everything," April tells her earnestly, "I can see where Miss Jacobs is coming from, but you've taught me _so much_. Not just English, but about so many other things. I think I've gotten more out of this conversation than I have from entire lessons before. She's wrong, you _do_ care about us."

"She never said I didn't care, April," Oswald says, giving her a sad smile, "She said my priorities were out of order. And unfortunately, I think she's right. I have...some things to work out."

"Well, no matter what, you're still the best teacher I've ever had," April says fiercely.

Oswald's eyes are big and brown and ever so slightly damp. "Thank you."

Three weeks later, Clara Oswald is pronounced dead.

* * *

 **Thanks for reading, let me know what you thought! Will post the second part in a few days.**


	2. Death

**Because of course, Clara Oswald's funeral is bound to bring in an...interesting crowd.**

* * *

Miss Oswald misses two days of school. Rumours start up again.

April gets a sinking feeling in her stomach as she remembers the last time she saw Miss Oswald, practically sprinting out of the school while on the phone with someone, a gleeful laugh escaping her as she got on her motorbike and strapped her helmet on. There's been something about her lately, that recklessness, that sense one would get that if you asked her to do something utterly mad she probably would.

Miss Oswald, somewhere along the way, became a thrill seeker of sorts. And now April can only pray to gods she doesn't really believe in that it hasn't resulted in what these other kids are saying.

There's another assembly. With a sense of deja vu, April takes her seat next to Matteusz Andrzejewski and tries to hold in the tears because she just _knows_ what is coming next.

The speech is almost exactly the same, except that Armitage is even more choked up this time. He's struggling to get the words out. April barely hears any of it.

"Clara Oswald has passed away," is the only bit that really goes in other than, "The cause of her death is currently unknown to us, and her family have asked that we respect their privacy in regards to that particular piece of information."

He talks about how she will be missed, how it is especially tragic given what happened to Mr Pink but that at least the two of them are together now, somewhere.

April holds in her tears as best she can but it's impossible. Next thing she knows, a handkerchief is being pushed into her hand and she looks at Matteusz with surprise - who even carries handkerchiefs anymore? And they've never really spoken except in passing, but as she meets his sad, understanding eyes, she realises that this act of kindness should not come as a surprise to her.

She gives him what she hopes is a look of gratitude before using it to wipe at her eyes.

When she gets home, she falls to her knees so she can rest her head in her mother's lap and cry her eyes out properly.

* * *

They have a half day so that as many of Oswald's coworkers and students can attend her funeral as they like. Virtually all of the teachers are present, and about two dozen students - April, Matteusz and Courtney among them.

They sit a way back from the family, which consists of a father, a woman April knows to be Oswald's - no, Clara's, she can call her Clara, now - stepmother, and the older woman, small and wrinkled and more visibly distraught than anyone else present.

Most of the school faculty are there, and Armitage and Mr Davies both take the chance to speak about working with her after the family have their turns.

April has been picked to speak on behalf of the students, and soon it's her turn to go up. Her hands shake but she remembers what Clara said about being brave only being possible when you're scared.

"Miss Oswald was the kind of teacher we tend to dream of," April says slowly, "Kind, fair, passionate enough about her subject to actually make it interesting." A few laughs come from those listening and April gives a tiny smile. "She could be tough but only when it was necessary, and she was always there to talk if we needed to.

"Three weeks ago...she told me that the world doesn't have enough people that are genuinely kind and good, because the world tries to stamp them out, which is why we have to be strong. She was one of those people, and her loss is...felt deeply. But I'll never forget what she said, and I'll do everything in my power to be the force of good that she wanted me to be. To be strong, _and_ kind, because the two aren't nearly as mutually exclusive as some people would have you think."

Her gaze falls on the teachers, and she sees Armitage nodding at her with pride. A little further along, a teary Miss Jacobs meets her gaze, a kind of fierce approval in her eyes that surprises April for a moment.

Afterwards, Clara's family thank her for her kind words. It's abstract to think about teachers being children and grandchildren in their own right, and April has to excuse herself when even the brief conversation with Clara's gran gets to be too much. She moves towards the back of the church and finds herself walking alongside someone else who is heading for the exit.

"Pretty speech, you made," they say to her, and April glances to her left to see a woman in strange attire - is the Mary Poppins look intentional? - eyeing her with cool blue eyes.

"Thank you," April mumbles, and holds the door open for her as they move out into the church foyer.

"I don't have much interest in good, myself, but _bravery_ , now that's different. She certainly had it in spades, that one," the woman says, a Scottish accent tinting her soft, thoughtful voice.

"How did you know her?" April asks.

"Oh, we were enemies of a sort," the woman says brightly, "Met through a mutual friend, but then I was also the one who set her up with said mutual friend, so it's a bit too complicated to try and explain. But oh, I will miss her. My wee angry puppy."

April doesn't have time to ask her what the _hell_ she means by that before a blonde in a dark power suit steps out of the doors. She and the Scottish brunette tense up upon seeing each other.

"Oh, look who it is," the latter says, with delight that doesn't quite match her rigid posture.

"You have no right to be here," the blonde tells her, voice as cold and hard as steel, "For once in your life, do the decent thing and leave, before Osgood sees you. With what you did to her sister, I won't be responsible for how she reacts. And none of us have any business disrupting this funeral, least of all you."

"She was my friend," the brunette says defensively. "I have the right to mourn her just like anyone else."

"You just said you were enemies," April points out.

"Oh, I don't know why I expected a _Lethbridge-Stewart_ or a baby monkey to understand the intricacies of my friendships," the brunette says, sighing dramatically.

"I'm sorry, I don't tend to make a point of being understanding of people who have thrown me out of a plane," the blonde says, with a sweetness so poisonous that April blinks.

"That was one time," the other one says, rolling her eyes, "But fine. I'm leaving. I'd just like to point out that the little mayor who is responsible for her dying is here too. I might have _tried_ to kill her multiple times, but it all comes down to Oswald herself and little miss immortal in there. Just saying."

"Missy, not in front of the student," the blonde hisses, glances at a very bewildered April who has been staring at them with concern since she heard the words 'thrown me out of a plane' and 'kill'.

"Sorry, did you just say-"

"I'm going, I'm going!" The bizarre Missy strides off without another word, leaving April with the blonde.

"Ignore everything we said," she says to April, "She's certifiably insane, it's the only way to deal with her. Her usual handler is...missing."

"Right," April says, not remotely sure if she believes her.

Two more brunettes come out into the foyer. One is a nerdy type with a question mark jumper and glasses, and the other a young woman who can't be much older than April herself but carries and dresses herself like someone in her forties at least. April thinks she remembers seeing the latter sitting with a dark skinned young man near the back.

"What happened to her was her own doing," the young woman is saying, rather defensively, "As I've already explained to Kate. Now, I have my people to get back to, I've spent enough of my time getting this all organised."

"As you should have," the blonde tells her, narrowing her eyes, "But yes, I think it's best if you get back to your little street and leave the rest of the world to us."

"Gladly. And don't try to follow me."

"Wouldn't dream of it." The small brunette just gives her a look and the blonde sighs. "Fine. Go, before I change my mind."

The other brunette watches her go with a troubled look on her face, until she notices April. "Oh, hello. What are you doing out here?"

"Just needed some air, but I got a bit...distracted," April says awkwardly.

"What you said about Clara was really nice. She'd have appreciated it."

"Thank you."

She doesn't know who these people are, how they know Miss Oswald, or why some of them seem to have such deep issues with each other that they're making demands for others to leave or even more alarmingly using the word 'kill' with complete sincerity.

She just came here to mourn her English teacher and now she has to wonder if she knew anything about her life at all. After all, she _was_ running off a lot to do other things, 'important' things - what if these were the people she had been doing them with? _What_ was she involved with?

She feels panic clawing at her chest, and when the next people through the door are her maths and biology teachers, she nearly cries with relief.

"April," Miss Jacobs says, concern immediately flashing over her face as she takes her in, "Are you alright? What's going on?"

"I don't know," April says, in answer to both questions.

The strange blonde and brunette exchange awkward looks before heading for the door. Miss Jacobs and Miss Liu watch them go with confused expressions on their faces before turning back to April.

"Who were they?" Miss Liu asks. April can only shrug hopelessly. The tears have started again. She doesn't understand, she isn't sure that she wants to, her English teacher is dead and a complete mystery to her and it's too much.

"Oh, April," Miss Jacobs says, wrapping her in a hug and letting April cry into her shoulder. "How about I drive you home?"

"Yes please," she whispers.

It's a relief to get out of the church and into Miss Jacobs' little car once they've bid goodbye to Miss Liu. April gives the maths teacher the address and buckles herself in, wishing she knew how to stop the tears, wishing she could be _strong_ like Clara had wanted her to be.

"I'd ask how you were doing, but the answer seems pretty obvious," Miss Jacobs says after about thirty seconds.

"Yeah," April replies, swallowing. "What about - what about you? I know you didn't really like her, but I saw you crying-"

"Didn't like her?" Jacobs looks at her with genuine shock. "Where in the world did you get the idea that I didn't like her?"

"Oh, I-" April finds herself unsure of what to say, though it's reassuring to know that she was wrong, that her two favourite teachers didn't dislike each other like she had worried. "I heard you….arguing, once. You were telling her that she wasn't paying enough attention to her job-"

"Oh, that," Jacobs says, quietly, "That was just-"

"She said that you were right. That she didn't have her priorities straight." April doesn't know why she's telling her this, but it's out before she can really think about it.

A tiny 'oh' escapes Jacobs and when April glances at her, she sees her pursing her lips like she's trying to keep herself composed.

"She also said...she felt like something was coming, that something was going to happen," April recalls, "I didn't think much of it then but now she's _dead_ and there were all those weird people talking about people getting thrown out of planes and that weird Scottish woman trying to kill her and now I wonder if you're right and she wasn't involved in something really messed up-"

Her tears choke her and she can't get any more words out.

"Who was getting thrown out of a plane?" Jacobs asks with alarm. "What Scottish woman?"

"I don't know," April whispers, suddenly feeling utterly exhausted, wanting to curl up in her bed and sleep for a week. "Miss Oswald said that we have fight for the good in the world. Now I'm thinking maybe she meant that a bit more literally than I thought."

Jacobs looks troubled. "It's….it's impossible to know, now," she says, without sounding convinced herself, "What we do know is that she was a good person who meant well. And a teacher who made a positive impact, bad priorities or not."

"Maybe it just isn't possible for people who are good and strong to last," April says miserably, "Not in a world like this."

"I can't believe that," Jacobs says, with a determination in her voice that makes April blink at her, "Not when you're sitting right next to me. Can't you see, April? You're her legacy. _You're_ good and strong and kind and you could do _anything_ you put that brilliant mind of yours to. Clara Oswald will live on through _us_."

It occurs to April that Miss Jacobs, for all her other differences to Clara, is also kind and good and strong. She's seen her act as an unofficial counsellor for students, seen her shut down bigotry in the classroom in a split second.

Maybe they can do this after all. Maybe the spirit of Clara Oswald can live on at Coal Hill, through them. For the first time since hearing the news, April feels a little less like the ground is falling out from underneath her.

When they finally arrive outside April's house, Miss Jacobs catches April by the arm as she goes to leave.

"April, for better or for worse, I'm not Clara Oswald," the teacher says, swallowing, "But if you do need someone to talk to, I'm here."

April nods. "I will. Thank you."

* * *

 **And now, we just have the last part - aka, the events of Class, to go. Sorry for all the angst.**

 **Thanks for reading, let me know what you thought!**


	3. Legacy

**And the final angst. Sorry.**

* * *

Ten months and a school renovation later, April is standing in front of an alien king, her heart beating once for her and once for him, with a metal chair leg pointed at her chest.

"You leave," she says to him through gritted teeth, "Or I make you leave."

She isn't just afraid. She is utterly terrified. But if she wasn't, how could she be brave? Fear is a superpower , Clara's voice says in her head, giving her the strength to keep her grip on the piece of metal.

They are saved by a bizarre man and his weird screwdriver, in the end, and afterwards April doesn't know if knowing that she probably would have been able and willing to sacrifice herself for the others is empowering or just plain distressing.

She tells her mother that prom was uneventful. It's the biggest lie she's ever told in her life and it comes out with ease.

But now she knows for sure. She is kind. And she is strong. And if it comes to it, she will fight until her last breath for her new friends - or the ones she hopes will be her new friends - and for her planet.

Just like Clara would have. Just like Clara would have wanted.

* * *

More happens in the next two and a half months than can be fully processed. First the prom and sharing her heart with an alien and Rachel's death and Ram's leg, not to mention the revelation that Charlie and Miss Quill are aliens. Then that awful interdimensional dragon and the Lankin.

There's Ram. Sweet, beautiful Ram who she cares for so much it terrifies her. Ram who makes her feel safe.

She becomes king of the Shadowkin, for a brief, glorious moment. It's enough to save her world from carnivorous petals. It's enough to have that sweet, sweet, moment of triumph. To in her victory call Corakinus a maggot like he had done to her.

She tells her father goodbye. Things with him will always be complicated, and maybe one day she will have space for him in her life, but she doubts it. Sometimes you have to keep toxic people out.

Detention tears her friends apart and she is left with only her mother and Charlie. Which is more than she had before, but now she knows what she's missing.

And then it all starts falling apart. Ram's dad, Tanya's mum, Corakinus in her _house_ threatening her mother and Charlie and Matteusz.

Ram asks her to run away with him. She wants to, more than anything. But she can't. And as she leaves him a message outside of Coal Hill, telling him she loves him, she gets a heavy feeling in her gut as she stares at the entrance to the school.

She knows how this will end. She thinks that maybe she's always known, since the words _make you leave_ fell from her lips. She knows that this will be the last time she walks through the school doors.

Finding the others should be her highest priority. There isn't time for detours, but she can't just walk past the wall of remembrance, not knowing what she's about to do.

April stops and approaches it. She reaches out for the name _Oswald, C_. and lets her fingertips graze over the letters.

 _Let me be brave,_ she thinks, _like you taught me. Let me make you proud._

She thinks that Charlie knows the moment she hugs him. She guesses that maybe, like her, he has always known that this is where things would stand, only he has fought even harder to avoid it.

"Let me know that I was brave," she says to Charlie.

 _I am brave, just like her,_ she thinks as Charlie points the gun at her. _And I'm not being snuffed out - I'm a king and a girl and a storm and I am choosing to give up my light to chase away this dark._

She wonders what the last thing Clara saw was. The last thing April sees is her friend, shooting her. _I would hesitate, from killing a friend,_ he said once.

This time he doesn't.

 _I am terrified. I am brave._

* * *

 **Thanks for reading! Let me know what you thought!**


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